It's not me; it's them.

Monday, July 11, 2011

I Feel Like a Traitor Saying This...

But Draco Malfoy is hot! And so is Neville...who knew?! And of course, there is a special place in my heart for Ron (because he's a ginger, obviously). You boys can speak American to me any day!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Photo Essay

Wow, I'm bad at keeping this updated. Sorry!

Even Chief is disappointed in my blogging skills.

Here's a photo safari of what has been keeping me so busy. I mean, there anything better than summer? (Answer: Fall. But that's a different blog post altogether.)

Two of my favorite people in the whole world got married! And then two of my favorite people in the whole world moved to STL without me, and I miss them dearly. I can't wait to visit them and all my other STL loves at the end of July! (PS Seriously, how beautiful is that dress?)

This team is rocking North Avenue Beach on Sunday pastel pink shirts. They were supposed to be hot pink. My bad, guys.

These three assisted in a rare mid-week blackout involving a Cubs game, a rain delay and (apparently) shots. This picture was one of those lovely surprises you discover on your phone when you're trying to find evidence of what happened the previous night.

My family came to town, and one of my sister's college friends took us to the 26th floor viewing deck of Trib Tower. While this was cool, I was way more excited to get a tour of the newsroom. (Read: dork.) You can take the kid out of journalism, but you can't the journalism out of the kid. My big sister and I were were in journo heaven.

I fell in love with my adopted city all over again.

I fell in love with Chick-Fil-A all over again. And Rika fell in love with the vast array of dipping sauces.

My neighborhood (aka backyard) got Proud. Sad I missed the parade, but my pride can't be contained to just one weekend anyway.

My brother and sis-in-law came to town, and we celebrated Christie's 30th birthday and baby shower. Just a little bit longer until Baby Louis arrives!

And speaking of babies, this little one isn't so little anymore! Miss Kallie kept Aunt Jane (and Cousin Chief) on the move for two weekends in a row. Chief is currently passed out in the recliner, and I just woke up from a two-hour nap. Mission accomplished, Kal!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


My brush with fame. Literally – our shoulders brushed.

So last Friday after work, I get on the el with the mass transit elite to go home from work. I get in the last car like always (which lets me out closest to the set of stairs I need to take at my stop…there is a lot of thought put into my commute). This car was relatively empty (whoo-hoo!) and I see an open seat right away. Having a seat on the el is the equivalent to winning the lottery in Jane World, so I’m pretty pumped. EXCEPT! The kid in the connected seat has his bag of Frisbees© sitting on it. Placing a bag on an empty seat during the 5pm commute is nothing short of treason in Jane World, so me being the subtle person I am, I sit down anyway – partially on the bag of Frisbees© and partially moving them out of my way with my bulldozer of an ass.

(Sidenote: I’m actually quite polite on the train normally, I promise.)

So I’m sitting there, and I happen to look up at the guy across from me and have the following conversation with myself:

Disbelieving Jane: “Wow, that guy really looks like the Asian kid from Glee. But why would he be taking the el? I bet that poor guy gets that all the time.”
Rational Jane: “Oh, so they all look the same to you?”

Rational Jane wins for the moment, until I catch the eye of Frisbee© guy out of my periphery. I do sort of a half turn (we are literally sitting shoulder to shoulder, so a full turn would have been incredibly awkward) and Frisbee© guy gives me a smirk that plainly says, “Yes, we are who you think we are.”

Holy eff, it’s Puck.

I sat on Puck’s bag of Frisbees©. Puck smirked at me. Holy eff.

Unfortunately, once the brain of Teenage Jane had time to process all this – and text Schwind, obviously – Puck and Mike Chang (real names: Mark Salling and Harry Shum Jr.) were getting off the train. But don’t worry, it ended with the following exchange:

Puck: <attempting to pull his bag of Frisbees© from partially underneath me>
Remorseful Jane: I’m so sorry!
Puck: <smirk>

Sigh. He’s just as pretty in real life.

By the way, I later found out via Twitter that they were actually discs for disc golf, not Frisbees©.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

That Awkward Moment…

When you realize just how awkward you are.

I’ve been blessed with the gift of being good at small talk. Between sorority recruitment and journalism training, I’ve become skilled at formulating my next question or statement while still listening to what the other person is currently saying. This is a great talent to have, especially for someone like me who cannot stand silences in conversations.

Unfortunately, I’ve noticed there seems to be a disconnect between my brain and my body.

Halfway through conversations, I’ll start to have the following internal monologue:

“How long have your arms been crossed? You probably look really unfriendly right now. Uncross your arms – slowly now, make it natural – good, now you look a lot more welcoming. Wait, now your arms are dangling listlessly at your sides…that doesn’t feel right either. Try the one arm cross. Good, that looks ok. Wait, don’t break eye contact to look down! Now you’re all shifty eyed and it looks like you’re hiding something! Stop fidgeting! There is nothing on your face! Damnit, how’d your arms get crossed again?”

And all this is going on while I’m still conversing, giving the other person the impression that I’m a really engaging, articulate seizure victim.

At 26, I’ve given up hope this is something I’ll grow out of, so I think I’m just going to own it. No, no, I’m not just fixing my hair for the 7th time in five minutes. I totally meant to turn that jerky arm movement into a high five!

(Seriously, I’m not the only one afflicted with this, right??)

Monday, May 23, 2011

DOOMSDAY…maybe next time?

Whelp, the end of the world came and went, and we’re all still here. Good thing too, because the apocalypse would have really ruined my super awesome weekend.

Friday Night:

In true Team Shitty fashion, it was a night of attracting creepsters, running into people 
who would be best left in the past, sending ridiculous texts that made little sense (even 
to the sender), and closing down not one but two bars while playing Erotic Photo Hunt. 
Some nights it’s like nothing has changed since college, and I’d prefer to keep it that 

Please refer to the following live tweets of the cab ride for what I consider to be a very 
descriptive synopsis of the evening:

Now that you’re all caught up, we have an issue at hand. Gedmin seems to think that she 
can usurp my awkwardness throne and take over my title. After reading the texts she sent 
Friday night, I have to admit that she has potential. I mean, ending every text message 
with a question mark (especially ones that aren’t questions) gives her a certain awkward 
flair that I didn’t anticipate. Well done, Gedmin? I’m looking forward to the competition?


Saturday Night:

You may be shocked by this, but I go to charity events for all the wrong reasons. As long 
as there is an open bar and entertainment, I wouldn’t care if we’re all raising money for 
zombie awareness. Entertainment, however, is in the eye of the beholder. I spent most of 
Saturday night being entertained by a mustache drawn on my finger and a bicycle helmet. 
(Doesn’t take much, my friends.)

Drinking for the kids! Please ignore my creepy red eyes.

Anyway, the event was to raise money for an organization where Alli volunteers. She’s 
definitely getting Raptured before I am. The night gets a little bit hazy after the open bar 
shut down (seriously, will I ever be mature enough to handle an open bar responsibly?
) but Alli did win a set of Beanie Babies in the silent auction – so really, everyone was a 

More photos to come once I steal them from the party pics website. Oh, stop acting all 
high and mighty like you’ve never done it before.

P.S. I changed my comment settings so even you non-bloggers (pfft) can comment now. 
So do it, aight? But remember – use this privilege responsibly. Let’s be safe out there.

P.P.S. Blogger is being all sorts of weird with spacing right now. I apologize if this shows up all jumbled or way spaced out.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'm Alive!

Fear not, friends. I live. I just took a blogging hiatus while I wrapped up finals and spent a much needed weekend at home.

Ok, technically this is not "home." This is our family farm where my parents will be moving to in the next year. But I spent nearly every weekend here during my early childhood, so it still feels like home.

Allow me to sum up the past two weeks with these handy bullet points:
  • I learned in school that I'm not very good at "managing investments," but I am shockingly adept at picking stocks (I just can't do the math to prove why). So if you need a portfolio manager who can't offer you any mathematical reason why your investments are doing well (or sinking like the Titanic), I'm your girl.
  • I've decided to take the summer off from school, so now I'm just a member of the normal 40-hour a week working class for the next three months. I can't figure out what to do with all my extra time, so suffice it to say that I've been taking some killer naps since Thursday.
  • My trip home over the weekend was great, especially since this little one turned two! Seems like only yesterday I was sitting at Memorial Hospital until 1 a.m. waiting for Miss Kallie to make her entrance. (The following day, I went to the Billy Joel/Elton John concert on very little sleep, and Bobby got mugged. Memories!)
We're in a Thomas the Train phase, if you couldn't tell. It gives me a great excuse to use my British "Sir Topham Hatt" accent (not that I really need an excuse).

I believe Kallie is giving Aunt Jane kisses like her little buddies Chief and Chewie do. The dynamic trio of Chief + Chewie + Kallie is not a force to be taken lightly. We should harness their reserves to solve the world's energy crisis.

That's all I have for now. I apologize that none of this is awkward (with the possible exception of my "Sir Topham Hatt" voice...which, by the way, is the accent I'm using in my head while writing this, making this post all the more awesome). My life has been one endless routine of work and school lately. But as my good friend Alice once said, "School's out for summer!" Whoo-hoo, partyyyy time!*

*Obviously, naps will still supercede partying.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

What Would Kate Middleton Do?

I'm obsessed. No, not with the royal wedding. Just with Kate. I want her to be my friend so we can share clothes and tiaras.

(If you haven't visited this site, do it. Right now.)

In a stroke of genius on Friday, I asked my friends to dye my hair "Kate Middleton brown." Being the patient and considerate person that she is, Paula was given the lead with this task. (She was also the most sober, a quality I look for in someone who has the power to change my appearance dramatically.)

Dr. Paula mixin' it up. 

Wine + DVR-ed royal wedding = Jane not caring what Paula is putting on her head. 

The anticipation and excitement was just too much for Alex.

Time to rinse 'er out. Gedmin's maniacal smile really seals the deal here.

 Spitting image of Princess Catherine, right? I know.

Finished product! A lot darker than Kate's, but I'm still pleased with the results!

Kate wishes she looked this good.

The rest of the weekend was pretty low key. Did a little shopping with Ged on Saturday. Caught up on some pre-finals week homework. Rounded out Saturday night with a party for my winter volleyball team. I don't think anyone can say that being in grad school while working full time has stopped us from having fun!

Sean, Tim, Macey, Joe and me. The survivors of the party, and your future business leaders. (No idea why the glare makes it look like I'm staring off into the distance again. I promise I'm looking at the camera this time!)

Ok, Maybe It Is Me...

I know my whole schtick here is that I'm not an awkward person, but then photos like this happen and I have to re-evaluate myself.

This is my volleyball team. We're about to take a shot together. A lovely moment, right? So why am I creepily eyeing up James?! I'm not normal. Sigh. Weekend recap to come later today, including my transformation into Kate Middleton. I know you're on the edge of your seat.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Comfort Zone

This is the post in which I try to convince you that my silly yuppie problems are worth your time and concern.

I’m bored. Not because I don’t have enough to keep me busy – between working, going to school, studying and raising a puppy dog with ADHD, my schedule is certainly full. But I’ve just gotten into such a routine of doing the exact same thing every day that my life has become completely predictable and dull. I mean, how many days of the week do I really need to come home from class just in time to catch the 10 p.m. rerun of Law & Order: SVU? Sidenote: One of my life goals is to be the completely random person at the beginning of the episode who discovers the body. Dare to dream!

Short of a casual encounter or two at Taco Bell, I’m not meeting anyone new, and I definitely haven’t been trying any new things lately. I just need something to push me out of my comfort zone. Vacations are sadly out of the question at this point since I need to save my days off and money for babies and weddings this summer/fall. There is always the option of joining Match or eHarmony, which wouldn’t so much be pushing me out of my comfort zone as it would be propelling me like a rocket. (I’m sure that would also provide some good awkward fodder for this blog.) Or maybe I’ll just keep signing Eileen up for the free sites and using her account to see who’s out there.

Seriously, I’m open to suggestions to spice up my life. I just need something to look forward to besides the end of the quarter. My only two stipulations are that it must be a social activity (no knitting), and it can’t be anything in which I could get hit in the face and mess up my newly fixed sinuses (I did survive the volleyball season, though, so I have high hopes in this category).

P.S. I did a Google image search for “yuppie,” and this was the first result. God bless yuppies for resisting change since 1986.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Beginning

What say you, dear friends and family? You don't know enough about me already? Well let me fix that by opening an entirely new forum to describe the extreme minutia of my everyday life! You can thank me later.

Allow me to start by saying I am not an awkward person. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Jane, that's exactly what an awkward person would say." And you might also be thinking about having a snack, because really, who isn't? But no, I'm not awkward. I'm socially ept. I have friends (and I didn't even pay for all of them). My family likes me. My dog thinks I'm pretty cool. But awkward things just seem to happen to me. I figure I can ignore them like the rest of the human race does...or I can document them here along with other stories of my life for the world to enjoy. How Gen Y of me, I know. Just remember: When in doubt, I am so totally entitled to this blog, just like I'm entitled to job promotions and a healthy work/life balance.

I can't guarantee I will have time to update this often, but I will try my best for you, my adoring fans. I'm not used to writing without an editor, so I'm sure that the lack of checks and balances will allow this to get somewhat politically incorrect and weird at times (although I suppose that's kind of the point). We're working without a net here, people!